the time I totally lost my shit

for those of you not in the know, i'm keeping myself financially afloat here in rome by working as a nanny. 7:30-5:30, M-F. mommy and daddy are americans (thank goodness) and work at the embassy. k, age 3 and 1/2, is generally in school from 8:30-3:30 M-F... those italians really love to shove their kids out of the house as soon as possible. the baby, age 18 months, is generally pretty easy going and naps a good 4-5 hours a day while his older brother is at school, leaving me a lot of time to not be driven up the wall by small children.

but this week? not so much. k has been out of school for the whole week for "winter vacation" which is apparently different than the two weeks he had off for "christmas vacation" back in december. but whatever. this means, both k and the baby are hanging around the house all the time, are kind of bored, and sick of me since i'm working mostly 11 hour days to cover for the fact that their daddy's away on a month-long business trip.

which brings us to this morning. i figured i was in the home stretch, only one more day of having k home before i get to skip off to school next monday and drop him off as early as his preschool teachers will let me.

oh, i was sorely mistaken. instead, this morning involved me hitting, and consequently skyrocketing past my breaking point.

the baby woke up with a full fledged fever and cough, which is so weird because usually, all the sick germs come from school, but k has been home all week. so no idea where this virus could have come from. well he's of course screaming his head off, and if i even attempt to put him down anywhere - on the couch, on his pillow, in his chair, ANYWHERE, he would only bawl out and reach for me. finally the screams quieted down as long as i continued to hold him, and luckily he was cool with me sitting on the couch while cradling him in one arm. (thanks baby)

so k gets all mad that i can't give him attention and i'm like look, i'm sorry kid, i can talk to you, but i can't get down on the floor and play with you because your brother is really, really sick. so finally at like 9, im STILL HOLDING THE BABY, my right arm is asleep, and he starts crying and will not let up. so i think, we'll see if setting you in your crib to chill out will work. not so much, but i figure if he's gonna cry anyway, he might as well do it in the crib while my arm regains sensation. just set him in his crib because my arm was asleep anyway.

k jumps on this quality one on one time with me, and jumps into my lap to cuddle. he's bored out of his mind, mostly because the whole time i was holding the baby, he INSISTED on watching cars. i estimate that since july, i have seen this movie approximately 250 times, at least once a day. i've seen it so much i could probably recite it to you in italian.

but the real reason i despise this movie is because k THINKS he loves it but he's seen it so much that after the first 2 minutes he stops watching it and gets totally bored and whiny. but yet, he still refuses to let me turn it off or turn something else on. and that movie is two fucking hours long. so it's two hours of bored whiny k, who cries if i even attempt to trick him into changing the channel.

(i'm also having major issues trying to explain how tv works to him because he thinks all tv shows are like dvds and we can just watch them whenever we want. so now he's obsessed with casa di topolino which is all about mickey mouse, and its only on three times a day, and it's not on at all between 10:30 and 5:30 and he gets pissed when it's not on and doesn't understand. any ideas with how to explain that one would be much appreciated.)

so back to k cuddling with me on the couch while cars is going through the horribly boring quiet part where the are in radiator springs. (i fucking hate that i know the name of the fictional radiator springs.) now k can't sit still for any amount of time so after about 2 minutes he decides he wants to get down off the couch but instead of asking me to help him down, he tries to do it himself, and uses ME for leverage by SHOVING HIS ELBOW DIRECTLY INTO MY BOOB. of course, i had gotten my period this morning and the only pms/period symptom i ever suffer from is extremely extremely sore boobs. we're talking, like, a strong breeze could make me cringe in pain. now imagine a POINTY ELBOW that is supporting 28 pounds of three year old going directly into one of my overly sensitive funbags. yeah.

so i literally shrieked out loud and instinctively moved away which only caused his elbow to jam into my sternum. i've always been afraid of getting hit in the sternum since we learned in 7th grade health class that there's a little arrowhead shaped bone there that can snap off, float around in your body, cut up all your organs, and kill you. i totally lost my shit and screamed at him. he knows that he can't get down off the couch by himself because he kind of sinks in to it so he needs to ask for help. i've gotten elbow in the boob 100 other times but elbow in the sternum fucking KILLS, not to mention he got the boob pretty hard too. and i was like hey, see your elbow? see how it's POINTY AND SHARP and then i sort of pushed his elbow into his leg, not hard, but enough so he felt the pressure and i was like DO YOU SEE HOW THAT HURTS. STOP DOING IT TO ME. BECAUSE IT HURTS ME A LOT. so i felt like bad nanny. because i should have kept my cool. but im sick of telling him things 600 times and him not listening. when the tv was on i could tell him santa claus is going to come over and ring the doorbell and come inside and take me out on a date and he'd respond with "dora's at the beach!" so then ten minutes later, i go pick up a still-crying baby who proceeds to cry for the next hour and a half straight. brilliant.

suffocating myself with my new down comforter is looking like the most appealing way to spend my afternoon.

postscript: unfortunately, suffocation-by-down-comforter was not in my afternoon plans. instead, baby-fever-spiking-at-104.1 was in my afternoon plans. as was laptop-charger-cord-sizzling-and-severing-into-two-pieces-thanks-to-faulty-wiring. so, no laptop for the next week and a half until the replacement charger can be sent. faaaaaaaantastic.